Food Is About Relationships.

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A nice dinner with wine. A movie with a good friend, sharing a tub of popcorn. Eating a hurried lunch across a desk at work with a co-worker. Preparing a nice family meal. Thanksgiving. Tasting someone else's ice cream cone. Bringing a treat to a small get-together. A dinner-date in a new place.

Eating alone sucks. Food, when you are alone, can possibly nourish your body, but what you crave is nourishment for your social-soul.

You eat together because it creates its own mood, its own pleasure beyond the food itself. Food is more than just eating.

So, how do you uncouple your need for human interaction with your need for food? You don't. You shouldn't.

What you need is to uncouple relationships from the pleasure of eating the wrong food.

Too often you eat too much, and you eat the wrong food when you are with someone else. The closer the relationship, the more likely you are to not follow the sensible rules you have made for yourself.

You get into one of those: "I won't follow my rules if you won't follow yours." "It's such a special occasion, I'm going off Weight Watchers for this meal, how about you?"

What we need is permission to say, "How can we both find great pleasure in this meal, and keep on the path of our weight recovery?"

Are there no pleasure foods that can keep you both going in the right direction?

Perhaps, at the end of the day, that is an important quest you and your friends can go on together: "Let's find a dozen GREAT PLEASURE FOODS and WONDERFUL MEALS we can really enjoy together."

If you don't, you will always be battling the results of the wrong foods and meals. If you don't, and, you "stay on the wagon" together, you will each have a sense of being deprived of the joys of great food with enjoyable people. Which leads to wrong food choices later. And will deepen any unhealthy relationship you may already have with food.

So, a key activity is to search for, experiment with, and enjoy new comfort and pleasure foods with your friends. Do it together. That kind of support you can each use.

When you do that you will have not only a new relationship with food, you will share new experiences with dear friends.

In the long run, wouldn't that make your day lighter?


Ideas to eat less – to live more.

VP Programs Development, ScaleDown for Life
VP Education, GoZonkers Inc.
Founder, CelebrateLifeNutrition.com
Curb Your Appetite – Stop Your Cravings
©2010 Laura Gontchar. All Rights Reserved.

Smell Your Food – Or Hold Your Nose. Ideas to Eat Less – To Live More

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Smelling your food is automatic. Food just has to be in the room, and you will get a whiff of it. Of course it makes you hungry.

Scientists tell us that even a hint of a scent of a luscious food can make us feel hungry. Even when we don't realize we are smelling it. It's kind of frightening to know that your body is so responsive to influences without you knowing it.

I can remember as a child going to my grandmother's small farm in the country. Just before lunch I could smell her cooking eggs and pasta, mixed with vegetables and fresh herbs cut from her garden. Then we would all sit down and eat from a common pot, as we talked and laughed. I loved those times, and even now, many years and half a world away, the smell of pasta and eggs and herbs instantly arouses the beauty and wonder of those simple times, when I was a little girl.

Do you have flashes of memories tied to the food of your youth?

Food is not just nourishment. It feeds our soul's memories, making us remember times and places – with just one sniff, suddenly it is like it was just yesterday.

Our bodies remember food more by the smell than the taste. There are moments when we suddenly want a glazed donut, or a steak covered in onions, a cup of freshly brewed coffee, bacon and eggs in the morning, mashed potatoes for dinner. When we suddenly crave something, most often it is triggered by the indelible aroma that lingers in our memories – feelings locked deeply into our subconscious. We remember those feelings and the comfort we felt when eating them. We crave the lost feeling, and eat to recover what our heart needs most at that moment.

Aroma. Memories. Feelings. Food. We cannot separate one from the other, when the smell first hits our subconscious minds. They flow together like an irresistible tide. And we cannot refuse to feed the hunger of our soul.

In her later years Grandma had a series of small strokes, and somehow lost most of her sense of smell. Slowly she wasted away as she ate less and less. Her doctor said that 90% of taste is actually smell. So, he said she was eating less because food didn't taste good.

Looking back, I don't think that was the reason she ate less. It wasn't taste she was missing. It was the memories. It was the missing sense of those beautiful times with her husband finally back from the cruel war, the quiet meals with her kids growing up, the great dinners with families and friends when we fried fish new-caught from the Volga river. The excited questions of a little girl shared over a pot of eggs and pasta and herbs from her garden.

Food is memories. Food is love. Food is raiment for the soul.

What are your memories from the aroma of food?

What memories are you building for the curious little boy, the inquisitive little girl sitting at your table?

In the long run, would remembering old times and food and fun really make your day lighter?

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VP Programs Development, ScaleDown for Life
VP Education, GoZonkers Inc.
Founder, CelebrateLifeNutrition.com – Satisfy Your Hunger
©2009 Laura Gontchar. All Rights Reserved.

Make a Decision: Rule 9 to Control Your Appetite

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When you are fat and 40, you know you are good for 40 more years. When you are fat and 50, you're not so sure any more. If you're fat and 60, you're in real trouble. And if you're fat and 70, you know what I mean.

Carrying around excess weight can seem like just an appearance thing. No one wants to look overweight. Isn't that your first reaction to unsightly, ugly bulges on your own body?

But the really ugly truth is excess weight is a symptom of something that has already started to kill you. Because it kills you slowly, you don't see it for what it is. Thus, you don't give it the same urgent priority that you would if you had an aggressive form of cancer.

Excess weight is a pernicious malady. No one needs to tell you that it leads to heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension. You may already know it increases your risk to some cancers. You know all that.

Here are some things you may not have considered about excess weight:

– For every pound you are overweight at the time of your last illness, you will cost your estate, or your family, $10,000.

– For every 20 pounds you are overweight, you will shorten your life by a year.

– Overweight is the leading cause of gallstones and kidney stones, especially in women.

– Excess weight is the prime factor in knee replacement surgery.

– Overweight has the same effect on your life expectancy as being a smoker.

But, these are just things you can face down the road. So, perhaps it is not of interest to you now – especially if you are fat and 40.

The real malevolent character of being overweight is in how if affects the quality of your life, not your body.

If you are overweight, if you are significantly overweight – especially if you have been considerably overweight for a long time, perhaps some of these may resonate with you:

• Feeling trapped by your body

• Not being seen

• Being judged by your size, not your personality, or even character

• Trying to hide your body

• Always feeling you have to make excuses for your appearance

• Feeling out of control of your life

• Being obsessed by food

• Hiding food to eat later, unseen by others

• It's better to risk your health to lose weight (with risky weight loss drugs) than to continue risking your sense of self worth by staying overweight

• Fear of food — hating food — loving food

• Feeling addicted to high fat, high sugar foods

• Losing contact with your inner feelings

• Not looking at yourself closely in the mirror

• Making less money than thin people

• Having fewer job prospects than thin people

• Seldom finding clothes you feel comfortable or attractive in

• Not doing things with your kids, spouse, and friends because they are difficult to do at your present size

• Giving up on your dreams — if you can’t control your weight, how could you ever believe you could fulfill your dreams

• Feeling kids and spouse are ashamed to be seen with you in public

• It feels good to be seen in public with a thin, attractive person — at least you can bask in the positive attention they get

• Fearing the health effects of excess weight in later life (stroke, etc.) will make you incapacitated and physically dependent on others

• Fearing that if you do lose weight your spouse will think you are out to get a new lover

• You spend so much time doing things for others, you have no time for yourself, so food is a comfort

• You might as well do things for other people, at least they deserve some attention and affection, even if you don’t

• Empty stomach = empty heart. Full stomach = full heart.

• Have failed with so many diets, there must be something wrong with you

• Loss of self confidence — if you can’t do a simple diet right, you’re really screwed up

• If you’re screwed up, you can’t possibly have the moral authority to teach your kids right, to act as a good example for them

• Losing all sense of sensuality and sexuality, knowing you’ll never feel sexy again

• Fear of physical intimacy, especially with someone new

• Fear that if you lose this relationship, you’ll never have another one

Have you ever felt any of these things? More than one?

Aren't the things on this list the real, present dangers and costs of excess weight, for you or someone you know?

Permanent weight control, on the other hand, is more than just having less weight. It is the unleashing of a more vibrant life. It is celebrating the life that was born into you – the joyful life you sensed when you were very young, but never quite got around to living as you aged.

Do you clearly see the contrast between the real costs of excess weight, and having a vibrant life – the life of your choosing?

Your excess weight, and difficulty in getting rid of it, is not a character defect. It is not that you lack self control. It is not because there is anything wrong with you.

After years of battling excess weight, you are worn down. You have done everything you knew to do, sometimes to a fault. But it always ends with you adding a few extra pounds. If everything you have been told to do fails you, then there must be something wrong with you. Right?

The real steps to rebuilding your life around a lighter you is quite literally in front of you, and well within your reach.

First, you need to understand that what you have been "taught" to do to lose weight is wrong. Wrong. Dead wrong. You need new, accurate, science-based knowledge, not some well-meaning guru who helped a celebrity get skinny.

Next, you need to know that the most powerful influences on your appetite are "caught" things, not "taught" things. (See How Do You Control Your Appetite: Rule 7: Blame it on Mom.)

Finally, and most importantly, your first step has nothing whatever to do with what you eat or not eat. It has to do with you. This entire, frustrating problem of years of creeping weight-gain has made you lose confidence in yourself. It has torn you down until your sense of self-worth is worn out. Could that be true about you?

In the end, successfully losing weight, and keeping it off, really is a decision.

That decision is: Are you worthy of having a vibrant life?

If you feel you truly have the personal worth to lead a vibrant life of your choosing, then you are on the path to solving your appetite, hunger, and craving problems. You will seek out, and keep searching for the right answers to help you control your appetite. And to eat less. You will succeed because you will not allow another reality to prevail. You will find the answer based on the science of weight loss, not on the endorsement of professionally skinny people.

But, if you feel unworthy of your own, self-directed life; if you feel you lack the incredible vibrancy born into your soul, then you will falter. You will discover obstacles that always seem to take control of your appetite. And, you will find one reason after another that forces you to continue gaining weight – forces that are always outside of your control – until you have run out of time to fix anything. At that point, you will have to leave it to the physicians to repair whatever damage they can.

How do you control your appetite? Start with a decision: Are you worth it?

Whatever you decide, once made, the rest will happen on its own.

It is not about weight. It is not about destiny. It's about deciding if you deserve to be happy.

Do you?

How do you control your appetite?
Conclusion 9: Make a Decision

Next article...
How do you control your appetite?
Rule 10: Be Worthy of It


CelebrateLifeNutrition.com – Satisfy Your Hunger
©2009 Laura Gontchar. All Rights Reserved.